I was in a good mood Friday morning. A short work day was ahead of me. My Christmas shopping was nearly done and I felt optimistic and nearly giddy… until NPR ruined it.
Let’s be fair, I have never been able to handle the news. When I was a little girl my mother banned it from our house because it made me cry. As an adult, I listen to podcasts only after a quick skim over the episode notes and read news stories only after searching the headlines for safe topics. I spend more time on social media breaks than I spend actively engaging.
Because of this, during my morning commute, I listen to book podcasts or church sermons. I can normally trust them to create a decent atmosphere. Because my guard was down Friday morning, I dropped the ball and my morning was invaded by the hapless wonder that is our President. I’m not critical enough to be political, so I try not to mention politics in my posts, but even his voice makes me cringe. I can’t handle him. I can’t handle the state of the world right now. It’s too much. I’m too sensitive.
Honestly, I could stomach the news a little better during the Obama administration than I can now. Even when something terrible was happening, I had less anxiety. I felt safer knowing that the person in charge would at least ask questions before making decisions. I even hoped he might pray. I don’t feel that way now. What used to be casual avoidance is now an outright war against knowing.
In 2017 I leaned on self-care. I worked hard to create a safe space where my family could be carefree, where we could breathe and hope in spite of. When the year in review episode crept in I remembered all that I’d been running from and wondered, “Why does anyone want to review this year?”
I am going continue pursuing self-care as 2018 approaches, but I hope against hope that things get better. I won’t worry and I am going to continuing praying about the hard truths and writing about things that make me feel hopeful. And I’ll continue to do so with the radio turned off.
“Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.” – Psalms 34:14